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Personal
Personal writing on mental health, life and the things I am into outside of work. Press / to search titles, excerpts, and labels.
23 posts labelled Psychology
· 30 min read
What dysregulation actually looks like in an autistic adult: the difference between a meltdown, a shutdown and plain irritation, why it is not a tantrum, what masking costs, how sensory load drains the budget, why I cannot always name a feeling until hours later, and why a changed plan can flatten me.
· 8 min read
What it feels like to pour your all into someone who drains you: everything having to be about them, losing your sense of self, a nervous system on fire from hot and cold behaviour, being called ugly, fat, and useless, and why leaving feels like withdrawal.
· 7 min read
Alex thinks I might have alexithymia. I had never heard the word, so I read the research. It is not feeling nothing. It is struggling to tell what you feel, and to say it, and it is far more common in autistic people than I expected.
· 2 min read
Letting another person's mood set mine is hard for anyone. As an autistic person, my emotions just happen, my logical brain switches off when I am overwhelmed, and I feel things harder than most. That is why I need a buffer, and why I am not broken.
· 7 min read
Fixing things is how I make sense of the world and where a lot of my purpose comes from. The same instinct fires for problems that belong to other people, and learning to tell the difference has made me better at the ones that are mine.
· 10 min read
If you find out your child is bullying, address it. Explain the primary and secondary consequences for the child on the receiving end, how trauma develops, and why mental health matters on both sides.
· 6 min read
Chronic bullying through childhood and my teens left me with trauma, low self esteem, and social anxiety. I wanted friends but could not trust anyone, and RuneScape was my escape. It has only been this year that I have done things on my own, and a lot of it lines up with being autistic.
· 15 min read
Show me the incentive and I will show you the outcome. Where a clean incentive works, where socialism breaks it, why rail, water and the energy networks are a case for public ownership, and why charities and suicidal empathy reward feeling good over getting results.
· 5 min read
Obsessed with external validation, rewatching videos of themselves, belittling others, never wrong, and cutting people off like it is nothing. What it does to your nervous system, and why they ruin the days that matter most.
· 7 min read
I have felt like an imposter my entire life, not in my work but in my own body. Most of the time I feel disconnected from myself, like an observer watching someone else live my life, and I do not feel real.
· 4 min read
I take actions at face value and miss the feeling underneath. I have done this most of my life, and I hate it. Naming the bias helps. Repair still matters.
· 6 min read
I struggle to learn without the why. Curiosity is a constant hunger for more information, and once purpose shows up, the how finally sticks.
· 5 min read
I feel deeply, get hurt, and sometimes hurt others without meaning to. Emptiness, pushing people away, trauma bonds, and the open question of BPD versus autism — and learning to let go.
· 4 min read
Addiction, ruined relationships, lowered confidence in men, trauma, and what the NoFap community got right. Stop producing it. Ban it everywhere.
· 7 min read
Professionals wrote me off as a child. Bullied, quiet, fixated on computers — and why I resonate so hard with Elon Musk. Miss Barclay, if you are out there: thank you.
· 6 min read
Day job is risk and architecture. The dancefloor is shared pulse, North West lineage, and a room where AuDHD social bandwidth finally makes sense. The kick is the brief.
· 2 min read
A Reddit post about partners who pick fights before deadlines and big days named the sabotage. I am with someone who makes me feel safe and loved now, and the alarm finally quieted.
· 6 min read
Subjective reality is the filter. Objective reality is what is left when the filter lies. Cortisol, thyroid, sex steroids, and metabolic chemistry shape that filter — and a lot of human conflict is two filters colliding.
· 5 min read
A birthday that felt safe for once. Care instead of manipulation, love instead of isolation, and why the right person is not the one who needs you broken.
· 5 min read
Why autistic attention tunnels make immersion beautiful and release hard, and why rejection, sensory load, and rumination make hurt land louder and stick longer.
· 6 min read
Enemies become allies, characters actually change, and the real plot is the one I reused after bullying, failure, and heartbreak: take the hit, power up, come back sharper.
· 6 min read
Nothing was ever enough. Drama, victimhood, and emotional drain that left self-harm, night terrors, a breakdown, caught fleas mistaken for BPD, and trust that still will not come easy.
· 5 min read
Autism can make me more prone to outbursts that do not match who I am the rest of the time. A flooded state is not a character reveal. Do not weaponise it.